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Dorheim

Life / Leadership / Marriage / Ministry

You Need Others

“Part of taking care of yourself is letting others know when you need their help.”

There are many people who feel an inner need to be self-reliant. You say that you can take care of yourself. You want to be able to solve your own problems and fix your own issues. The problem with that is that you weren’t created to do life alone. It wasn’t God intention. At some point you are going to need someone else and part of taking care of yourself is knowing when you need others.

How To Celebrate Independence Day

There are a lot of traditions that people have on different holidays throughout the year. Many are similar no matter who you are or where you grow up. For example, almost everyone who grew up in the United States can remember watching fireworks as a kid on the 4th of July. However, far less remember eating Jello cake that resembled the American flag. Some might remember getting in the car and traveling to the lake or to visit family in the morning. Many others remember sitting on the curb watching the parade anxiously anticipating which float will be throwing out the best candy.

Ever since my wife and I have been together the idea of traditions has been something we spend a lot of time thinking and talking about. We ask ourselves how we want to spend Christmas and what we want to do for Thanksgiving. Where we will go, what we will do, what we will eat, how we will decorate, and so on and so forth. We have many opinions on holidays and I will share them with you as they become more relevant.

Today it’s relevant to talk about how we will spend our Independence Day. Will we wake up early to get a good spot on the side of the street to watch the big parade? No, because it’s my opinion that parades are lame. The idea of all crowding together to watch people walk and drive really slow doesn’t appeal to me at all. If I want candy, I can always go to the store and buy some Lemonheads. Right now we don’t have kids. If when we have children they want to go to the parade, then maybe our tradition might change.

Are we going to travel and visit family. No, but this year that has more to do with the schedule just being really busy. Will we head out with a blanket to lay up and watch the fireworks go off at dusk? Probably not. Will we organize and plan a big extravaganza for all our friends to come over to our house? I don’t think so, but I should probably double check with my wife.

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The Value of Time

There are times each and every day where you have the ability to be present. There’s value in being present, because when you’re not, you show people that you don’t value their time. When you don’t value someone’s time, you tell them that they are not important. Whether you like it or not, it’s true. Their time is valuable and when you don’t show up you’re disrespecting them.

Too often people don’t show up on time, and we just say they’re late. Too often people don’t show up at all, and we just say they’re forgetful. Too often people aren’t giving you their attention when they do show up, and we just say they’re distracted. More often than not, we choose to make excuses. The reality is, they aren’t late, forgetful, or distracted, they’re disrespectful.

I understand that there are always going to be uncontrollable circumstances. You can’t control unknown construction that leaves you in stop and go traffic. You can’t control getting some unexpected news that’s so devastating it consumes your every thought. However, you can control your alarm clock and calendar. You have the ability to respect the time of the people you are with.

Think about it this way: If the person you are with, or you’re supposed to be with, is important to you then remember that you only have a certain about of time with that person. Life is short and it’s worth investing your time in the people, places, and things that are most valuable to you.

This is an area where I need to improve. If you have encouraging advice, send it my way.

The Best Is Yet To Come

For the past few years my pastor, who is also my boss, mentor, and friend, has felt a verse impressed upon him each year. This verse has become the verse of the year for our church. We continually bring it back up, we read it, we meditate on it, and we allow it build our faith.

Last year our verse was from Isaiah 43:18-19, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”

This year our verse is found in 1 Corinthians 2:9, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him.”

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One Small Step To Save The World

We often compare our lives to the lives of heroes from our favorite stories and movies. The reality is that you’ll probably never have the chance to fly a space ship and save the world like Will Smith did in Independence Day. You probably won’t ever have the chance to take out terrorists one by one through the Nakatomi Plaza like Bruce Willis did in Die Hard.

When we measure our lives up against these characters we always fall short. We are never the hero. We believe will never win the day or save the world. However, the reality is that those stories and those heroes are not real. But, you are. You are a real live person who has the ability to win the day.

In order to start saving the world, you have to stop looking at the movie screens and staring up at the clouds. Instead start looking at your day and your world. Then figure out one small thing you can do to make it a brighter day and a better world.

Let me give you an example. Have you ever been in a drive-thru and had the person in front of you pay for your bill? If you have then you know how good it feels. It seriously changes your entire day. You feel like you won the lottery. #Jackpot Imagine if you had the power or ability to change someone’s day, to save it, to make it awesome. Well guess what? You do!

There are small steps that each and every single one of us can take to be a hero for someone else. They might never learn your name or have the ability to thank you, but that’s not why John McClane does it. And it’s not why you do it either. You do it because there is a way for you to make the world a better place. By being a better person. What other small steps can you take to win the day and save the world?

Top 3 Ways To Show Love To Your Spouse

I was looking through my phone the other day when I stumbled upon some old notes. One of them was a note I wrote to myself about how to show Audrey (my wife) that I love her. I’m far from the brightest man on the planet, so it was a fairly short note. There were 3 things listed on the note:

  1. Personal Attention
  2. Quality Time
  3. Small Gifts

I know that she feels valued when I take time to look her in the eye and listen when she talks. I know she enjoys when we go for a walk or take a drive together, instead of just watching a movie on the couch. And I know that she appreciates the little things, like when I buy her a pint of her favorite flavor of custard or vacuum the floors while she is away.

The top 3 ways to show love to your spouse are different for everybody. I don’t know how it is for the ladies, but as husbands, we don’t always remember these things. We need to start working harder at keeping them in front of us. We need to become life-learners of our wives.

I never want to get tired of learning more about her and how I can show her that she is loved.

Do You Have Real Friends?

I’ve had close friends help me journey through many different seasons of my life. I had a great friend to help me get through high school, a group of roommates at UW-Oshkosh, and a fraternity (of sorts) in at Lee University. I had someone by my side in Door County to support me as I prepared to marry my wife. I had an awesome friend to motivate me to never stop growing here in Sheboygan. That was before he decided to move into an RV and leave me, but I forgive him.

While watching TV last night I heard, “people today are obsessed with finding soul mates, but soul friendships are just as vital.” I agree. Not only because I’m fortunate enough to be married to one of the best friends anyone could ever ask, wish, or hope for, but also because I believe friendship outside of marriage is vastly underrated. I believe scripture shows that we might be doing it wrong.

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